Trevor* A Family Finding (True) Story

Our "Family Finding" program was recently featured in the "Wall Street Journal".

Trevor was a 14 year old teenager without hope. When he arrived at Willow Cottage, a Level 14 Residential Treatment Facility for the most severely disturbed adolescents, he was alternately withdrawn and aggressive. He showed very little enthusiasm for anything at all. This is a picture of a teenager who had lived without a permanent home and the daily love of his family since he was four years old. In the ten years that had passed since he had entered “the system” he had been in multiple placements and had lost contact with much of his family including a beloved maternal aunt named Tracy.  Trevor certainly encountered some caring professionals during those ten years, but none of them were related to him, none of them were his family. In collaboration with Trevor’s DFCS (county Department of Family and Children's Services) worker, EMQ decided to attempt to find Trevor’s family with the skills they learned in Family Finding training.

The team started by doing a drawing of a sort of family tree or map with Trevor to see who he felt connected to. This map was remarkably empty, but the discussion led Trevor to pull out a photo of an older brother, Brian, that the team had never heard about, but whom Trevor had never forgotten. The team conducted a thorough records search by looking through massive volumes of documentation at DFCS to find names, phone numbers and addresses of people who could possibly be reconnected to Trevor. They took this information and used the Internet, telephone and U.S. Postal Service to contact people who might care for and love Trevor. The team was able to locate one grandparent in New Jersey, two grandparents in Nevada and a host of relatives in Nebraska. Family members were overjoyed to get news about him and wanted to see him, write to him and call him. Several offered him a place to live.

Tracy, the maternal aunt, was tracked through her addresses up and down the map of northern California. Through information provided by various contacts, she was found to be living in the same area as Trevor. An uncle who had not been lost, but who was not going to be considered as a permanent home for Trevor became a possibility for placement. The father, unable to care for his son himself, was reengaged with his family to form a partnership so that he could be a part of his son’s life. At a family meeting, the father told those gathered that Trevor’s family included only the few who were currently in the room.

At the end of the meeting, there were over sixty names of family members on a flip chart on the wall. Trevor’s grandmother had invited the team over to view a family genealogy that her sister in England had compiled. This genealogy contained hundreds of names.

The most rewarding and moving moment of the Family Finding journey for Trevor and the team came when the family arrived for a family reunion and he was given some exciting and surprising news. The aunt told Trevor of yet another older brother, Mark, that he did not know existed. He was Trevor’s biological brother who had been raised by his own paternal grandparents in another state and who had never known the maternal side of his family. When the aunt told Trevor this he smiled and said “cool”. For Trevor, this was the equivalent of turning cartwheels on the lawn! There were tears, laughter, hugs and family photos that day.

Immediately after Trevor was reunited with family and found out he was going to go home to live with them rather than to another group home, his demeanor and behavior began to change in most positive ways. He smiled more, had hope, interacted more with peers and adults, attended school and was generally happier. The staff working with him was amazed and encouraged beyond what they had imagined.

Today Trevor is still living with his uncle and cousin. He has had overnight visits with his aunt, met her children and husband, received letters and phone calls from out of state grandparents and gone on a trip to Nebraska to meet relatives that he never knew existed. Recently, he spent a week in Nebraska by himself getting to know these family members. He has friends and has recovered from his bouts of anxiety. This is a teenager with hope for the future.

*Names of people and places have been changed to protect the confidentiality of the family.

» Next Success Story

» How Can I Help?

» About EMQ's Family Finding Program

Confidentiality of EMQ children and families has been preserved
through the use of models. Some stories may be composites of multiple cases.